--- title: How to Build Trust with Elder Board Members Who Don't Understand Your Ministry description: Church staff often feel misunderstood by elder boards. Learn practical strategies to build bridges, translate ministry language, and create partners instead of gatekeepers. image: https://blog.chemistrystaffing.com/hubfs/blog-images/featured/featured_38.png --- [Skip to content](https://blog.chemistrystaffing.com/how-to-build-trust-with-elder-board-members-who-don-t-understand-your-ministry#main-content) [![cropped-chemistry_logo_homepage-342x95](https://blog.chemistrystaffing.com/hs-fs/hubfs/cropped-chemistry_logo_homepage-342x95.webp?width=342&height=95&name=cropped-chemistry_logo_homepage-342x95.webp "cropped-chemistry_logo_homepage-342x95")](https://blog.chemistrystaffing.com/) - [How We Help](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/what-we-do/) - [How We Help Candidates](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/candidate/) - [How We Help Churches](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/church/) - [Our Team](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/team/) - [Our Mission & Strategy](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/what-we-do/) - [Churches](https://chemistrystaffing.com/church) - [Hire New Staff](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/2021-churches-new-staff-hiring/) - [Free 30-Minute Church Consult](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/lets-talk/) - [Chemistry Solutions – You Don’t Have to Do Ministry Alone](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/solutions/) - [Final Fit Assessment](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/final-fit-assessment/) - [Senior Pastor Succession](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/succession/) - [Job Seekers](https://chemistrystaffing.com/candidate) - [Add My Resume / Profile](https://chemistry.fyi/kwq) - [Current Openings](https://chemistrystaffing.com/jobs) - [Free Resume Assessment](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/free-resume-self-assessment/) - [Step-by-Step Job Search](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/cjb) - [How Chemistry Can Help](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/candidate/) - [Resources](http://www.chemistrystaffing.com/candidate/) - [Free Playbooks & Downloads](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/resources/) - [Chemistry Blog](https://blog.chemistrystaffing.com/) - [2024 Youth Pastor Compensation Survey](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/resources/2024-yp-compensation-survey/) - [Contact Us](http://www.chemistrystaffing.com/lets-talk/) - [Candidates](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/candidate-contact-page/) - [Churches](http://www.chemistrystaffing.com/lets-talk/) - [Find a Job](https://chemistrystaffing.com/jobs) - [My Church is Hiring](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com/lets-talk/) # How to Build Trust with Elder Board Members Who Don't Understand Your Ministry Church staff often feel misunderstood by elder boards. Learn practical strategies to build bridges, translate ministry language, and create partners instead of gatekeepers. ![](https://blog.chemistrystaffing.com/hubfs/blog-images/featured/featured_38.png) You're sitting in the board meeting, carefully explaining why you need budget approval for the upcoming youth retreat. The elder who's never worked with teenagers interrupts: "Why can't the kids just meet in the sanctuary like we did back in my day?" 🎧 Listen to this episode: Another board member questions your children's ministry curriculum because it "looks too much like playing." The worship elder wants to know why you can't just use the hymnal instead of those screens. You leave the meeting feeling like you've been speaking a foreign language to people who literally hold your ministry's future in their hands. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone—and there's a better way forward. ## The Ministry Reality Gap Is Real Most elder boards are filled with incredibly well-meaning people who've simply never done your specific ministry. The business executive has never planned a middle school lock-in. The retired teacher doesn't understand modern worship technology. The successful entrepreneur who's started five businesses has no idea what goes into children's ministry safety protocols. Here's where it gets tricky: these same people need to make informed decisions about children's ministry, worship ministry, and youth ministry budgets and policies. They're trying to be faithful stewards of something they don't fully understand. ![Episode visual summary](https://blog.chemistrystaffing.com/hubfs/blog-images/whiteboards/whiteboard_38.png) ## What Usually Goes Wrong When we feel misunderstood by our boards, most of us (myself included) tend to make some predictable mistakes: ### We Start Talking Faster and Using More Jargon Instead of slowing down to explain, we speed up and throw around ministry terminology that means nothing to someone who's never worked in a church. ### We Get Defensive We assume they should just trust our expertise. After all, we're the ones doing ministry every day—shouldn't that count for something? ### We Condescend Perhaps worst of all, we start dumbing things down like they're children. The board feels shut out of something they're actually supposed to help govern, and we feel micromanaged by people who "just don't get it." > "Now listen—they're not trying to undermine you. They're trying to be faithful stewards of something they don't fully understand." ## The Bridge-Building Approach Instead of creating an us-versus-them dynamic, we need to become bridge builders. Here's how: ### Start with the Why Before the What Don't walk into the board meeting and say, "We need $3,000 for a retreat." Start with the outcome: "Let me tell you what happens when teenagers get away from distractions and actually connect with God." Instead of "We need new worship software," try "This technology will help us create moments where people can truly encounter God without being distracted by technical difficulties." Translate your ministry into outcomes they can measure, regardless of their experience level. ### Use Their Language, Not Yours Before every board meeting, ask yourself: "How would I explain this to my dad?" Then adjust your communication style accordingly: - **If they speak business:** Talk ROI and metrics - **If they think in relationships:** Focus on life change stories - **If they're practical:** Show concrete next steps - **If they're financially minded:** Give clear reasons why this makes financial sense ### Invite Them Into Your World Education without condescension means occasionally letting board members see what you do: - Let the worship elder sit in on a rehearsal - Have the business-minded member observe your children's check-in process - Ask the retired teacher to help with VBS planning They don't need to do your job, but they need to see it. When elders understand the complexity and intentionality behind what you do, they become advocates instead of obstacles. #### Biblical Foundation > **1 Thessalonians 5:12-13:** "Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other." > **Proverbs 27:17:** "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." ## Creating Partners Instead of Gatekeepers Here's the key mindset shift: this isn't about getting approval for everything you want. It's about creating partners instead of gatekeepers. When you help board members understand not just what you're doing but why it matters for the church's mission, something beautiful happens. They stop seeing budget line items and start seeing ministry impact. They stop asking "How much?" and start asking "How can we help?" Your job isn't to get elders to understand every detail of your ministry—it's to help them see how your ministry accomplishes the mission they're passionate about too. ## Practical Steps You Can Take This Week Building these relationships takes time, but you can start immediately: 1. **Pick one ministry decision** you need board input on. Before you present it, rewrite your explanation in language someone outside your ministry area would understand. 2. **Schedule informal time** with one board member just to get to know them as a person, not just as a decision-maker. 3. **Create a simple ministry snapshot**—one page that explains your department's goals in terms the whole board can appreciate. 4. **Share a success story** that demonstrates impact in ways the board values: lives changed, community reached, disciples made. #### Discussion Questions for Your Team - What's one aspect of your ministry that you think board members don't fully understand? - How might the perspective of board members who don't share our ministry background actually strengthen what we do? - What's one specific step you want to take this month to build a stronger relationship with a board member? ## The Long View Remember, most board members became elders because they love the church and want to see it thrive. They're not your enemies—they're fellow servants with different gifts and perspectives than yours. When you invest in helping them understand your ministry, you're not just making your job easier (though you are). You're building the kind of unified leadership team that can actually accomplish the mission God has given your church. Building these bridges takes patience and intentionality, but it's absolutely worth it. When you have elders who truly understand and champion your ministry, everything changes. You'll find yourself with advocates who help you think more strategically, supporters who celebrate your wins, and partners who help you navigate challenges. **What's one step you'll take this week to build a stronger bridge with your board?** I'd love to hear about your experience—send your thoughts to [podcast@chemistrystaffing.com](mailto:podcast@chemistrystaffing.com). *This post is adapted from Episode 589 of the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. For more resources on building healthy church teams, visit [chemistrystaffing.com](https://www.chemistrystaffing.com).* ### [![Todd Rhoades](https://app.hubspot.com/settings/avatar/883a0d42581424e9bbe7c77dccfeed6b) Todd Rhoades](https://blog.chemistrystaffing.com/author/todd-rhoades) Todd has invested over 30 years in serving churches, having served as a worship pastor for over 15 years, a church elder for more than a decade, and in various ministry leadership roles in both the business and non-profit sectors. As the original founder and developer of ChurchStaffing.com, Todd fundamentally changed the way thousands of churches search for pastors and staff on the internet. Todd is a graduate of Cedarville University, and lives in Bryan, OH with his wife, Dawn. 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