Avoiding Spiritual Bypassing: Navigating Hard Conversations in Church Staff

As church staff members, we often embrace the idea of Romans 8.28 – the comforting promise of all things working together for good. But what happens when we use such a profound truth as a tool to navigate away from uncomfortable conversations or conflict?

Spiritual Bypassing: A Closer Look

Spiritual bypassing is a term that describes the tendency to use spiritual beliefs or practices to avoid dealing with emotional pain or uncomfortable situations. More specifically, it’s when we wrap conflict up in scripture and prayer, hoping that it will magically disappear, instead of addressing the issues head-on.

Think about it. Have you ever been told to "trust God" when all you really needed was some clarity? Or perhaps used a Bible verse in a meeting to shut down a debate? Or encouraged spiritualizing over straight talking? This isn't spiritual maturity – it’s avoidance, cloaked in holiness.

The Temptation to Over-Spiritualize

As church leaders, we sometimes fall into the trap of over-spiritualization, especially when we find ourselves confronted with conflict. After all, conflict is uncomfortable, and the church world is not immune to it.

This temptation can lead us down unproductive paths such as quoting scripture instead of delivering an apology, or using phrases like "God’s plan" as a substitute for owning up to our mistakes.

True Spiritual Maturity: The Way Forward

Real spiritual maturity doesn't dodge – it confronts with grace. It corrects with humility and confesses with courage. The most spiritually mature leaders aren't those who quote scripture in difficult conversations, but those who listen, repent when necessary, embrace change and exercise relational integrity.

Here are some guidelines to help avoid weaponizing your theology:

• Pause: Before you quote a scripture, ask yourself if you are saying this to escape or help.
• Own Up: Don’t spiritualize over your responsibilities.
• Be Clear: Don’t hide behind vague phrases. Be honest and precise.
• Be Present: Make a conscious effort to listen more than you speak.
• Pray: Use it to reinforce connection, not to escape discomfort.

The idea is not to diminish the value of Scripture or theology, but to understand the importance of using it wisely. It's crucial not to create spiritual dissonance within our teams by shutting down communication, instead, fostering a culture of open, honest dialogues that resonate with humility and holiness.

For more insights and stories on how to navigate hard conversations, refer to today's Healthy Church Staff Podcast episode. Let's strive towards creating an environment where dialogue is open, respectful, and focused on spiritual growth.